God's Infinite Wisdom

I miss my dad. He's been in the ICU for the past two weeks. They keep telling us he'll never be the same, and the grief I feel from that is unbearable. I can't put into words the magic of my dad, and what I've lost on a day to day basis, even as an adult. I had a son 4.5 months ago that looks just like him, and I keep thinking about how much I want my son to play with him. My daughter got a solid 3 years of laughing at his jumbled up nursery rhymes and teaching him the right words, school bus rides, freshly squeezed orange juice, silly banter of how much he loves her, and for that I feel so lucky. It's made her incredibly anxious over the past two weeks and she's been having some extra big feelings. She's only brought him up a handful of times. The most recent was last night. She talked about how she wants to go to a hotel again with me, her nana (my dad), her nani (my mom) and her Lala (my sister), and no one else. I'm trying to give her extra grace because this is someone she talked to every day up until two weeks ago, so I imagine, that, combined with staying at my parents house without him here has been extremely difficult for her. I've also been thinking about my mom a lot. They'll be married 47 years in September. I've talked about my parents marriage before on here, I'm not sure if the post is still up, but they really are best friends. They rely heavily on each other. My mom cannot do dishes, or drive more than 30 minutes to a destination, or do groceries, these are just a few examples of everyday things she's never done. I am not as far in to my marriage as my parents are, obviously, but I can say it's vastly different from what they made. Theirs isn't by any means perfect, but it is something beautiful that they built. They have a sense of togetherness I've never known. When I think about my mom, I think about God's infinite wisdom. My dad went to the hospital on my mom's last day of work. She had just retired, and he collapsed at the airport on their way to Umrah, on the first day of Ramadan. Earlier this year my dad had just sorted their finances after many, many, many years of struggling and debts, which is why my mom was finally able to retire. She wanted to spend more time with her grand kids. Now she'll be spending them in and out of the hospital for a long while it seems. I hope he knows how much I adore him, and miss him, and love him.